How to LOVE/DISCIPLINE your child:
Children need your attention. They need to trust you, and to know that you love them. They need your instruction in words. They need to model behavior. They need you to know their limitations...I'll tell you when I've felt the urge spank a child (and we all do!), it's because I've made the wrong choices! Not them! I've expected too much of them, I've skipped a nap, I haven't been consistent and clear in my expectations, I've dragged them on too many errands, I've stretched meal times too long! I've been too busy with other things...material things, worldly things, things so much LESS important than a spirit of MY child. Break downs happen because of US. If your child's behavior stinks, look at yourself good and hard....change YOUR behavior, change your lifestyle.
I think spanking is the "easy way out". It's a quick fix. It's a way of "training" a child, without doing the work. But we all learn....quick fixes all come back to haunt us right? You might see a change in behavior, but NOT in the behavior you want...everything you are trying to "train" against, will show up...anger, aggression, mistrust, dishonesty...the list goes on and on. After all...you reap what you sow.
There is NO right way to spank. There is NO "proper procedure" to follow. I've read spanking is acceptable if you don't do it in anger, and if you explain WHY you are doing it. That's more twisted than ever in so many ways. "I'm going to inflict physical pain on you, because you just hit your sister? I am not angry, but I just want you to hurt." It doesn't make sense at all.
Sometimes you might hear, see or think, "Geez, what that kid needs is a good old spanking!" I guarantee that what that child needs is EVERYTHING but a spanking! I think in the older generations, NOT spanking is associated with overly permissive parenting...where the child rules the roost and any behavior goes. Yes, there is a prevalence of that today...but I can assure you, it's not a result of not hitting the children...it's a result of parents being unwilling to spend time teaching their children the right way to behave. Unstructured environments, no bedtimes, no regular meals, no predictable schedule...the list is long. I think it's lazy parenting...and it has nothing to do with the prevalence of spanking...they are one in the same in a way...the easy way out.
What's the hard stuff?
Attention, love, change of scenery, a good healthy meal, a good nap, a good book, consistency, hugs, a stern conversation, a calm environment, a clear set of enforced rules, a time out to refocus, strong parental relationships, a long walk, some fresh air, a loving grandma, a safe home, knowing your child....the stuff that takes a heck of a lot more time than hitting them does. The stuff that takes a piece of you...your LOVE, your SPIRIT, your TIME.
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PS...For the moms who asked in the comments...just a quick answer:
I love Dr. Sears' book called The Discipline Book...read it when my oldest was just a little guy and loved it. I can't say enough about this book.
I have never read the book 123 Magic but heard it discussed at play group a long long time ago...when my oldest were really little, and use it all the time...I can seriously count on one hand how many times I've gotten to 3 with all the kids...if I did...what did 3 bring? A removal from the situation...time out in essence, maybe a stern talking to if needed. But like I said...there is magic in that counting, and I've never really read the book, just loved the premise.
I also LOVE the book Parenting with Dignity by Mac Blesdoe...a WONDERFUL book, old-fashioned, logical, beautiful and thoughtful especially for older children. (He is the father of Drew Blesdoe...a well know quarterback?...I didn't know that till I read it.)
For Christian based parenting: Anything by Sally and Clay Clarkson. Beautiful stuff. Clay Clarkson wrote a specific book on discipline called Hearfelt Discipline.
from: http://memoriesoncloverlane.blogspot.com/search/label/Discipline%20With%20Dignity
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